sOOOO.... whAt ArE yOU trying tO sAy?

it’s AnOthEr bEAUtifUl dAy in sydnEy. thE sky is bright blUE And hUgE with nOt sO mUch As A smUdgE Of clOUd. thE sUn is wArm nOt hOt And it fEEls gOOd jUst tO bE. fElA kUti is AlivE in my hEAdphOnEs lAying dOwn thE pErfEct sOUndtrAck fOr A pErfEct dAy. i hAvE An hOUr tO kill bEtwEEn clAssEs. hAving jUst rEAd An AnthrOpOlOgicAl stUdy Of thE nUEr pEOplEs Of sOUthErn sUdAn i Am inspirEd tO cOndUct A littlE fiEldwOrk Of my Own. pEOplE wAtching On cAmpUs is ripE. my first ObsErvAtiOn is An AwkwArd yOUng bOy wAlking AlOnE. his shOUldErs ArE hUnchEd And his Arms dOn’t sEEm tO bE intErEstEd in dOing mUch mOrE thAn dAngling limply by his sidE. his fAcE is blAnk. i gUEss hE’s nOt As tUrnEd On by thE blUE skiEs As i Am. his OvEr-sizEd t-shirt cOmplEtEs thE pictUrE. thE hEAvy blOck lEttErs stAmpEd AcrOss his chEst And tOrsO dEclArE:

EVERY
BODY
NEEDS
SOME
BODY

And sO thE thEmE Of my fiEldwOrk is dEcidEd... cOmmUnicAtiOn thrOUgh t-shirt slOgAns. nO sOOnEr hAvE i hAd this rEvElAtiOn thAn my nExt spEcimEn ApprOAchEs. thE sUbjEct is A mUscUlAr, nEAtly grOOmEd gUy with yOUr stAndArd shOrt bAck n sidEs hAircUt. hE is EngAgEd in A fAirly AnimAtEd cOnvErsAtiOn with A smAll grOUp Of pEErs. thEy AppEAr tO bE mAking A bEE linE fOr thE mAnning bAr. his clOsE-fitting rOyAl blUE t-shirt rEAds:

great minds drink alike

this is grEAt... mAtEriAl, mAtEriAl, mAtEriAl!! A prEppy girl with A pictUrE pErfEct mAnicUrE And tOO-smOOthE hAir glidEs by. At first glAncE hEr tOtE bAg cOUld bE strAight OUt Of thE pAgEs Of A j-crEw cAtAlOgUE bUt On clOsEr inspEctiOn, cUE thEmE frOm twilight zOnE, i sEE thAt it tOO cArriEs A mEssAgE:

Are you happily spending every day?

wOw... dEEp. dO yOU think shE’s stUdying EcOnOmics? mAybE philOsOhy? mAybE shE’s A mEmbEr Of thE Anti-glObAlisAtiOn sOciEty. Or mAybE thErE’s nOthing cryptic AbOUt it At All. shE cOUld jUst bE A dEvOUt hillsOngEr... Ugh! fElA crEscEndOs As i nOticE thAt my hOUr is jUst AbOUt Up. i dAncE On thE insidE All thE wAy tO my nExt clAss. A sEA Of sOciOlOgy sOphOmOrEs ArE spilling OUt Of thE lEctUrE thEAtrE. OnE stUdEnt in pArticUlAr cAtchEs my EyE. his t-shirt sAys:

Improve your Marx

snAp! whAt A wAy tO wrAp Up A sOlid hOUr Of stEAlth slOgAn EspiOnAgE. tOO bAd i didn’t hAvE my cAmErA On mE. bUt this is jUst thE bEginning. wElcOmE tO prOjEct slOgAnOlOgy. thEy sAy yOU ArE whAt yOU EAt. i’m thinking yOU ArE whAt yOU wEAr. Or mAybE yOU jUst wAnt tO bE whAt yOU wEAr. lEt’s tAlk AbOUt this.

listEn Up

sOmEtimEs thE UnivErsE jUst sEnds yOU thAt littlE sign, thAt pAt On thE bAck Or thAt cUE tO kEEp yOU mOving in thE right dirEctiOn. i’vE bEEn A gOOd girl this wEEk. it cAllEd fOr sOmE fAncy fOOtwOrk bUt i mAnAgEd tO dO thE nEcEssAry hOmEwOrk, rEAd thE rElEvAnt rEAdings, lAy dOwn A sOlid fOUndAtiOn fOr my first EssAy And pOst thE ObligAtOry blOg (is it jUst mE Or dOEs thAt sOUnd kindA fUnny?) sO tOdAy whEn i scOrEd A gOOd sEAt On thE AftErnOOn rUsh hOUr trAin i thOUght it wAs Only fAir thAt i trEAt mysElf tO A littlE qUAlity timE with my ipOd. i cOnsidErEd rEAding And listEning At thE sAmE timE. thE diligEnt stUdEnt mUst bE EfficiEnt with hEr AllOcAtiOn Of timE... All cOnfUciOUs likE. bUt thEn i gOt tO thinking hOw thE ‘mUlti-tAsk’ ApprOAch wOUld cOmprOmisE bOth my rEAding And my listEning tO sOmE ExtEnt. “fUck it” wErE thE ExAct wOrds Of my innEr diAlOgUE... i dEsErvE this mUsic And this mUsic hAs A right tO bE hEArd! thE Only rEmAining qUEstiOn wAs ExActly whAt shOUld i listEn tO?? my cOmmitmEnt tO this bOld Act Of stUdEnt cOmmUtE rEbElliOn cAllEd fOr A tOp shElf listEning ExpEriEncE. mEdiOcrE mUsic wAs nOt An OptiOn. wEll lUckily thErE’s nO mEdiOcrE mUsic On my ipOd sO mAking this dEcisiOn wAs mOrE likE skimming thE crEAm. ActUAlly thErE is thAt OnE lindA rOnstAdt AlbUm On my ipOd... hOw thE hEll did shE End Up On thErE!? AnywAys it didn’t tAkE mE lOng tO mAkE Up my mind. As thE trAin pUllEd OUt Of cEntrAl stAtiOn i clOsEd my EyEs & kickEd bAck tO thE mOOdy tOnEs Of thE R.A.T. sOmEwhErE bEtwEEn sUthErlAnd And wAtErfAll stAtiOns thE AlbUm EndEd. i lOOkEd dOwn At my ipOd thinking i might indUlgE in A fEw mOrE tUnEs. i mAdE A sElEctiOn, hit plAy And wAitEd fOr thE silEncE tO EvApOrAtE . bUt thErE wAs tO bE nO sUch lUck bEcAUsE whilE i sAt thErE cOmplEtEly rEchArgEd frOm thE mUsic my bAttEry wAs cOmplEtEly ExhAUstEd. thErE hAd bEEn jUst thE right AmOUnt Of jUicE lEft in thAt sUckEr tO gEt mE thrOUgh. nOt A drOp mOrE... nOt A drOp lEss. hOw pErfEct!

mEdicinAl

2008 wAs A bitch slAp Of A yEAr. yEs, it dElivErEd mE OnE stEp clOsEr tO sElf knOwlEdgE & sElf dEtErminAtiOn (And fOr thAt i'm grAtEfUl) bUt nOt withOUt A strUgglE.
hAvE yOU EvEr bEEn sick in AmEricA? hAvE yOU EvEr bEEn sick And UninsUrEd in AmEricA? i hAd hEArd thE hOrrOr stOriEs Of bAnkrUptcy, dEniAl Of prOpEr trEAtmEnt And cUrAblE illnEssEs gOing UndiAgnOsEd bEcAUsE pAtiEnts cAn't AffOrd bAsic hEAlth sErvicEs.
in fAct, i hAd jUst wAtchEd michAEl mOOrE's sickO thE wEEk bEfOrE my Own hEAlth lEt mE dOwn And i fOUnd mysElf At thE mErcy Of thE AmEricAn hEAlth cArE systEm. i UsE thAt tErm vEry lOOsEly As thErE wAs nOt A whOlE lOt Of cAring gOing On.
bUt this is nOt AbOUt thAt. this is AbOUt bUrmA, Or myAnmAr... dEpEnding whErE yOU stAnd. nOw whAt dOEs bUrmA hAvE tO dO with thE wAcknEss Of thE AmEricAn hEAlth (Un)cArE systEm??? this wEEk i schEdUlEd An AppOintmEnt with A lOcAl dOctOr. nOw thAt i Am bAck in AUstrAliA i Am cOvErEd by mEdicArE. frEE mEdicAl AttEntiOn, frEE diAgnOstics, frEE hOspitAls And virtUAlly frEE mEdicinE. this is whErE i intrOdUcE my fAvOUritE pErsOn Of thE wEEk... dr mOn tUt. dr tUt is A bUrmEsE ExpAt whO hAs livEd in AUstrAliA fOr thE lAst dEcAdE. hE spEciAlisEs in crisis cArE fOr rEfUgEEs And migrAnt hEAlth sErvicEs. hUmAnitAriAn in thE hOUsE!! sO i rOck Up tO mEEt dr mOn tUt with 8 yEArs wOrth Of AccUmUlAtEd hEAlth cOncErns. EvErything frOm EAr wAx tO kidnEys, thyrOid tO sUn spOts, irOn dEficiEncy tO nEUrObUggin. i jUst lAid it On him... pOOr gUy.
AftEr hAlf An hOUr Of cOnsUltAtiOn, prEliminAry tEsting And rEfErrAl drAfting i ExhAlEd... AUdibly. this is hEAlth cArE. i knEw i hAd fOUnd An Ally in dr mOn tUt. hE pAtiEntly listEnEd tO my gripE AbOUt thE dOdgy stAndArds Of US hEAlth cArE. hE EvEn OffErEd Up his Own AnEcdOtEs Of mEdicAl dEbAclEs thAt hE ExpEriEncEd whilE trAvElling in thE US with his fAmily. thE ExchAngE rEstOrEd my fAith in mOdErn mEdicinE. it AlsO mAdE mE cUriOUs AbOUt bUrmA.
OnE Of my fAvOUritE chEAp rEstAUrAnts in NY is villAgE mingAlA. thE dEliciOUs bUrmEsE fOOd thErE shOUld hAvE bEEn EnOUgh tO stir A dEEpEr cUriOUsity in mE AbOUt thE cUltUrE bEhind thE cUisinE. bUt if thAt didn't dO it mEEting dr tUt did!
sO it tUrns OUt bUrmA is kindA bUstEd pOliticAlly And EcOnOmicAlly. fOllOw thE link fOr All thE grimy dEtAils... plEAsE rEAd. bUt bUrmA is rich in tErms Of spiritUAlity And trAditiOnAl cUltUrE. And thAt's thE mOst impOrtAnt pOint i nEEd tO mAkE. wE, yOU And mE, nEEd tO gEt bAck On trAck. wE nEEd tO sEt OUr sitEs On things OthEr thAn wEAlth And pOwEr. wE nEEd A littlE mOrE sOUl.

dOwn by lAw

twAs thE night bEfOrE mArdi grAs And As might bE ExpEctEd OxfOrd strEEt wAs A virtUAl rAinbOw Of spArkly EnsEmblEs. thE thrOng Of hAndbAg hOUsE spillEd OUt Of thE clUbs And intO thE AtmOsphErE. fOr thE UninitiAtEd lEt mE givE yOU thE lOwdOwn... mArdi grAs 101 sO tO spEAk. sydnEy is hOmE tO OnE Of thE wOrld's lArgEst gAy cOmmUnitiEs.
Of cOUrsE sAn frAnciscO is Up thErE AswEll. irOnicAlly thE 2 citiEs ArE OfficiAlly dEscribEd As 'sistEr citiEs'.
EvEry yEAr thE gAy & lEsbiAn mArdi grAs pArAde tEArs thrOUgh thE city in A mAssivE cElEbrAtiOn Of gAy pridE. dykEs On bikEs, sExy sAilOr bOys, bEdAzzlEd drAg qUEEns And cybEr AndrOgEnEs. thE pArAdE hAs bEcOmE OnE Of thE mOst significAnt EvEnts On sydnEy's cUltUrAl cAlEndAr drAwing spEctAtOrs And pArticipAnts frOm All cOrnErs Of thE glObE. mArdi grAs EvE is typicAlly injEctEd with An Air Of Anticipation And ExcitEmEnt, EspEciAlly AlOng OxfOrd strEEt (AkA thE pink strip).
hAving jUst ArrivEd bAck in sydnEy AftEr living in nEw yOrk fOr 8 yEArs i thOUght it wOUld bE fUn tO tAkE A strOll AlOng thE pink strip AndgEt A tAstE Of sOmE O thAt mArdi grAs fEvEr. As i tUrnEd OntO OxfOrd strEEt thE first thing i sAw wAs hArdly fEstivE. A gAng Of pOlicE OfficErs tAping Off A sEctiOn Of thE sidEwAlk thAt wAs littErEd with brOkEn glAss And A smAll pOOl Of blOOd. things wErE nOt lOOking vEry frEE, gAy nOr hAppy. my impUlsE wAs tO rEAch fOr my cAmErA And dOcUmEnt this Ugly scEnE. i snAppEd A fEw shOts bEfOrE A clEArly sExUAlly frUstrAtEd pOlicE OfficEr tOld mE tOkEEp it mOving. i ObligEd. my friEnds & i wAlkEd On And tAlkEd AbOUt whAt wE hAd jUst sEEn. sOmEOnE brOkE thE hEAvinEss with sOmE cOmic rEliEf And wE All hAd A gOOd lAUgh. sOmEtimEs thAt's All yOU cAn dO.
sEcOnds lAtEr wE wErE AccOstEd by 2 Angry plAin-clOthEd cOps shOving bAdgEs in my fAcE And insisting thAt i dElEtE thE phOtOs i hAd jUst tAkEn. thE diAlOgUE wEnt sOmEthing likE this:

cOp - yOU think this is fUnny dO yOU!?

mE - i'm sOrry... whAt ArE yOU tAlking AbOUt?

cOp - yOU think it's fUnny thAt sOmEbOdy wAs glAssEd On thE strEEt dO yOU!?

mE - firstly, sincE whEn is lAUghtEr A crimE? sEcOndly, whAtEvEr my friEnds & i mAy Or mAy nOt hAvE sAid tO EAch OthEr hAs nOthing tO dO with yOU.


cOp - yEAh wEll wipE thAt smirk Off yOUr fAcE And dElEtE thOsE pictUrEs yOU jUst tOOk!

mE - i dOn't UndErstAnd yOUr rEqUEst? ExActly whAt lAw is it thAt yOU'rE trying tO EnfOrcE?

cOp - yOU'rE ObviOUsly drUnk. this will mAkE A lOt mOrE sEnsE tO yOU in thE mOrning!

mE - ActUAlly... i dOUbt it.

cOp - listEn, jUst dElEtE thOsE pictUrEs... nOw!!

mE - wEll likE i sAid i wOUld likE yOU tO ExplAin On whAt lEgAl grOUnds yOU ArE mAking this dEmAnd. this sEEms ridicUlOUs tO mE.

cOp - yOU ArE inhibiting A pOlicE OpErAtiOn!

mE - by tAking A phOtO? Or by lAUghing On thE strEEt?

cOp - Oh yOU think this is rEAl fUnny dOn't yOU! givE mE yOUr licEnsE.

mE - sUrE. wOUldn't yOUr timE bE bEttEr spEnt dEAling with thE pErsOn whO crEAtEd thAt mEss OvEr thErE? whAt's yOUr nAmE AnywAy?


cOp - OfficEr wOOdlEy... W O O D L E Y (shE spAt this OUt sO hArd i fElt thE sprAy On my fAcE) i'm bAsEd At sUrry hills pOlicE stAtiOn ArOUnd thE cOrnEr.

mE - yEs i knOw whErE thAt is.

cOp - Oh i bEt yOU dO.

sO dEspitE this bAntEr i wAlkEd AwAy frOm thE scEnAriO with A fEw pictUrEs Of blOOd On thE grOUnd. it wAsn't EvEn thAt impOrtAnt fOr mE tO hAvE thE phOtOs. my rEsistAncE wAs fUEllEd by thE pOlicE OfficEr's hOstility. i fElt likE i wAs hArrAssEd withOUt dUE cAUsE... thAt cOp wAs jUst gEtting Off On thE pOwEr thAt hEr jOb AffOrds hEr. thAt rEAlly bOthErs mE.
mAybE thErE is A lAw prOhibiting mE frOm tAking phOtOs Of A crimE scEnE. if thErE is it mUst bE hEAvy On thE syllAblEs Or sOmEthing cAUsE OfficEr W O O D L E Y sUrE wAsn't AblE tO ArticUlAtE it. whAtEvEr thE cAsE i'm wEll UnimprEssEd. sO i stOOd Up fOr mysElf And dEfiEd this bUllshit... grEAt. bUt hOw mAny pEOplE gEt bEAt dOwn by this kind Of trAsh tAlk? hOw mAny pEOplE gEt wrOngly AccUsEd? hOw mAny pEOplE ArE UnnEcEssArily prOvOkEd? hOw mAny pEOplE gEt prOfilEd fOr nO gOOd rEAsOn?

bElt it OUt

sO cAn wE tAlk AbOUt thE UnnEcEssAry bElt fAd fOr A minUtE. lOOk clOsEly And All ArOUnd tOwn yOU'll sEE fAshiOnistAs wEAring bElts in wAys thAt sErvE nO pUrpOsE OthEr thAn pUrE dEcOrAtiOn. thErE ArE sEvErAl vAriAtiOns On thE thEmE. OnE pOpUlAr EnsEmblE is thE bElt OvEr A bAggy cArdigAn. sOmE fAshiOnistAs cinch in thEir OvErsizE tEEs Or tAnks with thE bElt. thE cOmbO thAt i find mOst AmUsing is thE lOOsE fitting, mEn's stylE bUsinEss shirt wOrn As A drEss And... yOU gUEssEd it.. thE UnnEcEssAry bElt dOing it's thing ArOUnd thE wAist. this OnE is vEry pOpUlAr in sydnEy. i hAd Only hAlf-nOticEd this EmErging fAshiOnism. it wAsn't Until A friEnd rEcEntly brOUght thE UnnEcEssAry bElt phEnOmEnOn tO my AttEntiOn thAt i rEAlly pAid it Any mind. sAid friEnd hAs bEEf with thE trEnd. shE gOt hOt & bOthErEd jUst tAlking AbOUt it. shE's A prActicAl pErsOn And sO thE fAshiOn vs. fUnctiOn fActOr hAs EvErything tO dO with why shE jUst cAn't gEt dOwn with UnnEcEssAry bElts. if thErE ArE nO bElt lOOps thEn thErE's nOt sUppOsEd tO bE A bElt. pErsOnAlly i'm nOt sO zErO tOlErAncE AbOUt thE UnnEcEssAry bElt. yOU wOn't sEE mE wEAring OnE bUt tO EAch thEir Own. As A pErsOn whO is intErEstEd in thE sOciOlOgy Of fAshiOn hOwEvEr... i nEvEr likE tO sEE pEOplE mindlEssly rEhAshing stylE thAt is dictAtEd tO thEm by mAgAzinEs And thE mEdiA. whEn yOU chOOsE whAt yOU wAnnA wEAr yOU ArE chOOsing idEntity. fAshiOn cAn bE sUch A pOwErfUl tOOl Of sElf-ExprEssiOn. wEAr it wEll.

cUss-tOmAry

sO i'vE bEEn bAck in AUstrAliA fOr jUst On A wEEk And i hAvE tO Admit it is kindA bEwildEring tO bE hErE. EvEn thOUgh i'm frOm hErE i Am fEEling A littlE AliEn... sAmE tip As nEO whEn hE pOppEd thAt rEd pill. i gUEss 8 yEArs Of living in nEw yOrk city is bOUnd tO hAvE An impAct On whO i Am right? jUst bEcAUsE i nEvEr pickEd Up An AmEricAn AccEnt dOEsn't mEAn OthEr AspEcts Of my pErsOnA didn't shift. bEfOrE i flEw thE cOUp, lifE in AUstrAliA wAs thE Only lifE i knEw. thE brim Of my 'ignOrAnt bliss' cAp cAst A shAdOw OvEr my viEw Of lifE. mUch likE A bAby lEArns its first wOrds frOm its pArEnts, i spOsE i wAs infOrmEd by my immEdiAtE EnvirOnmEnt. my EnqUiring mind, UndErpinnEd by sOmE kind Of inhErEnt rEstlEssnEss, hAs sincE lEd mE tO sOmE intErEsting plAcEs & ExpEriEncEs. AmOngst thOsE is my AccidEntAl pilgrimAgE Of sOrts tO NYC. thAt chAptEr dEf ExpOsEd mE tO nEw wAys Of thinking & Of bEing. sOmE Of which i EmbrAcE, OthErs which i rEjEct. thAt's thE bEAUty Of it rEAlly.
AnywAys All Of this lEAds mE tO thE ObsErvAtiOn
thAt i wAntEd tO mAkE And chEw thE fAt Of....
it's AbOUt thE swEAring.
AUstrAliAns rEAlly lOvE tO fUcking swEAr.
thEy dOn't jUst fUcking swEAr whEn thEy'rE Angry.
thEy dOn't jUst fUcking swEAr tO cAst insUlts.
thEy dOn't jUst fUcking swEAr whEn sOmEthing gOEs rEAl pEArshApEd rEAl qUick.
thEy jUst swEAr... All thE fUcking timE.
i hAvE Only bEEn hErE fOr A wEEk And i hAvE AlrEAdy cOmE AcrOss 2 pEOplE with tOUrEttE syndrOmE! i mEAn... At lEAst i think thEy hAd tOUrEttE syndrOmE.
i'm nO dOctOr bUt bOth Of thE sUspEcts sAid "shit" Or "fUck" As mUch As A vAllEygirl
sAys "likE" Or "tOtAlly".
this shit (cOUldn't rEsist) is crAzy!!!
nOw dOn't gEt mE wrOng... i'm nOt dissing this AUssiE trAit. i jUst find it AmUsing....
ActUAlly AlmOst rEfrEshing. OnE Of my ObsErvAtiOns Of US cUltUrE - hAving bEEn in thE thick Of it fOr AlmOst A dEcAdE - wAs thAt by n lArgE thE pEOplE ArE kindA rEprEssEd.
i gUEss thE chUrch And thE gOvErnmEnt... Or mAybE i shOUld sAy thE chUrch A.k.A. thE gOvErnmEnt... hAs A lOt tO dO with thAt. i think thErE is prObAbly sOmEthing vEry
libErAting AbOUt UninhibitEd cUssing. might hAvE tO givE it A gO.

shAdEs Of grEy

cAll mE thE frEAk mAgnEt. i think it's fAir tO sAy thAt i AttrAct EccEntrics And OUt-thE-bOx-thinkErs. it's nOt likE i'mExtrA rAdicAl Or Anything. i jUst ApprEciAtE kinks in thE systEm. my lifE tO dAtE hAs bEEn grAcEd by EncOUntErs with All sOrts Of wEird & wOndErfUl pEOplE. All chArActErs On thE cArmEncitA shOw. sOmE rEcUrring in mUltiplE EpisOdEs, OthErs mAking A cAmEO splAsh. sOmE bEhind thE scEnEs And A fEw fEAtUring in stArring rOlEs. OnE Of my rEcEnt fAvOUritEs is jOE. jOE is A sixty-sOmEthing st. thOmAs ExpAt living in BK, NY sincE his yOUth mAny mOOns Ago. Up Until A wEEk AgO jOE wAs my lAndlOrd. i'm prEtty sUrE my bAsEmEnt ApArtmEnt wAs An illEgAl rEntAl. my rEnt chEcks wErE tO bE mAdE OUt tO jOE's sistEr whO i nEvEr mEt And whOsE nAmE jOE wAs nEvEr EntirEly sUrE hOw tO spEll. jOE didn't wAnt tO dEclArE his rEntAl incOmE bEcAUsE it wOUld cOmprOmisE his Eligibility fOr pUblic hEAlthcArE. jOE is On diAlysis. hE's nOt sUppOsEd tO drink bUt whEnEvEr i wOUld thrOw A pArty in thAt ApArtmEnt hE wOUld bE thE first OnE thrOUgh thE dOOr - rOckin his drink And his 2-stEp. i think my pArtiEs wErE A rEAl highlight On jOE's sOciAl cAlEndAr. his dAUghtER pAssEd AwAy whEn shE wAs rOUnd AbOUt my AgE And i think sOmEthing AbOUt hAving mE in thE mix hElpEd him with thAt lOss. thE dAy thAt i lEft BK wAs kindA hEctic And i didn't hAvE A chAncE tO sAy gOOdbyE tO jOE. i fEEl bAd AbOUt thAt. whilE i'm cOOl with my Own cOmpAny thE prOspEct Of bEing sixty-sOmEthing And AlOnE bUms mE OUt.
lAst night i thrEw tOgEthEr A phOtO cOllAgE Of imAgEs Of jOE frOm my lAst pArty... my fArEwEll pArty. i'm gOnnA sEnd him A cOpy. EvEn thOUgh thE cOllAgE is prEtty slAp hAppy i lOvE thE wAy thAt lAyErs Of imAgEs tEll A dEEpEr And mOrE tExtUrEd stOry thAn Any Of thE individUAl imAgEs cOntAinEd within thE cOllAgE. i wAnt tO UsE this principlE with wOrds. ObviOUsly A sEntEncE UsUAlly hAs mOrE impAct thAn A singlE wOrd. bUt i'm tAlking AbOUt cOmbining wOrds, sEntEncEs And phrAsEs thAt dOn't nEcEssArily AlwAys wOrk tOgEthEr Or bElOng tOgEthEr bUt which, whEn lAyErEd thE right wAy, cOnvEy thE divErsity And intricAcy Of my idEAs... shAdEs Of grEy. stAy tUnEd.

thE End is thE bEginning

OK sO i'm still trying tO dEtErminE thE dirEctiOn i wAnnA tAkE with tElling.
fOr nOw yOU gOt mE On sOmE intrOspEctivE shit. i'm On A city-bOUnd trAin wAtching trEEs, hOUsEs, OcEAns And cliff-fAcEs mElt intO A pAssing blUr Of cOlOUr & fOrm. thE hOUr cOmmUtE givEs mE jUst AbOUt EnOUgh timE tO cOllEct my thOUghts & my brEAth bEfOrE my first dAy Of schOOl. UnivErsity thAt is. tOdAy mArks my rEtUrn tO thE wOrld Of AcAdEmiA... nUts nO? bOOks n cOnsciOUsnEss. cOnsciOUsnEss As OppOsEd tO UncOnsciOUsnEss? wEll i'm nOt stUdying phlOsOphy sO lEt's nOt gEt intO thAt.

yEstErdAy i gOt dOwn with An Old friEnd And wE gOt tO tAlking AbOUt lifE & dEAth... And whAt rEAlly mAttErs. A yOUng friEnd Of hErs diEd A wEEk AgO And shE is wOrking thrOUgh it. thE UpsidE wAs thAt thE gUy whO pAssEd wAs stOkEd On his lifE in thE wEEks lEAding Up tO his sUddEn & UnExpEctEd dEAth. hE wAs wOrking On A crUisE bOAt in thE cArribEAn And lOving EvEry minUtE. On this tip wE rEAchEd thE mUtUAl cOnclUsiOn thAt living fOr nOw is thE wAy fOrwArd. i'm AbOUt tO lAUnch mysElf intO A 4-yEAr cOmmitmEnt Of stUdy & sElf-ExplOrAtiOn. dOEs this mEAn i Am living ExclUsivEly fOr my intEndEd End gOAl? this is A trAp i dOn't wAnt tO fAll intO. thE fUtUrE is An AbstrActiOn. it dOEsn't Exist... yEt. And if/whEn it dOEs it wOn't bE thE fUtUrE AnymOrE AnywAys... it will bE nOw. nOt trying tO cOp OUt On sOciAl Or pErsOnAl rEspOnsibility... jUst trying tO bAlAncE EnErgy. sEizE thE dAy! Or sincE my first lEctUrE tOdAy is frEnch 101... s'EmpArEr dE jOUr!